A little while ago, my birthday came and passed. I am not the type
to celebrate birthdays or anything like that because I feel like there is
nothing to celebrate. It is just another day to me, and nothing else. I know
people that enjoy the spectacle of it, and would spend as long as 1 week or
even 2 weeks celebrating their birthday with lavish parties and expensive
gifts, but I am the complete opposite. When it comes to my birthday, it feels
like I have two choices: to celebrate it with everyone, or celebrate it with no
one. There is no in-between. If I were to celebrate it with everyone, I would
have to organize a party, and invite everyone. Honestly, that is too much work
for someone, and why would I want to spend my own time doing all that? It is exhausting.
Whenever my birthday comes
along, I tend to withdraw into myself and I catch myself feeling more anxious
and down more than usual. Apparently, there is a term called the "birthday
blues" where there is a general feeling of sadness by a person in or around
his/her birthday and that was exactly what I was feeling. I cannot be bothered
to see these seemingly fake and forced Facebook posts from people I barely talk
to, send me some half-assed birthday message because Facebook told them to. I
tend to just avoid people in general by turning my phone off for the whole day,
and if I do interact with people, I don't mention that it's my birthday because
I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. I look at my birthday as a day of
reflection to see what has changed for the better in my life. When I see that I
have not improved in some way in my life, it only contributes to the general
feeling of anxiety. In addition, it feels like the kind of life I have lived does
not merit any celebrating.
On my birthday, I needed to get
out and do something that only I would enjoy, and not have anyone join me on
this little mini-adventure. Therefore, I bought a ticket to go to the Art
Gallery of Ontario, because looking at art is generally a solitary activity, so
it was right up my alley. I have never actually been to an art gallery at all,
so I was happy to spend the day partaking in an interesting experience. I woke
up early; left the house before my parents could get up, and put my phone on
flight mode so I would not receive any notifications on social media or any
calls/texts. I get to the art gallery, and after walking up four flights of
stairs (without realizing there was an elevator), I start from the top floor
and working myself down checking out all the art pieces and collectibles.
There was an exhibit going on
about the art scene in Toronto in the 1970s and 80s, and its effects on the city
today. I got to see how intertwined the art from the alternative communities
(such as the black and gay communities) and the politics at the time were (two
major events being the Spadina Expressway protests and the bathhouse raids).
The rest of the gallery was dedicated to the contemporary art pieces from
popular international and Canadian artists, as well as various collections of
jewels, stones, sculptures, and religious pieces. The pieces that resonated
with me the most are the paintings that showed a snapshot of daily life or of a
particular event. Those kind of paintings get my mind racing and it springs
more questions about what else would be going on at that time. It was quite
stimulating and I did not feel bored at all, nor did I feel anxious because I
went by myself.
After the visit, I did other
things to get my mind off the fact that it was my birthday, such as check out
Chinatown and go to the Toronto FC match. I think I should spend some of the
summer checking out the various neighborhoods of Toronto and just absorb the
surroundings around me. I like that sort of thing.
You should not have to spend
your birthday doing things that people expect you to do, such as throw a huge
party and get drunk. It is a stigma that needs to be exorcised. After all, it
is your day, and you should spend it how you see fit. I am glad I did.
