This September will be the first time that I will not be starting a new school year since I was a young child. I remember when I was younger how much I hated going to school, but as I grew older and went through high school and university, I began to appreciate (and eventually enjoy) going to school and actually learning about something every day. As you may or may not know, this past June, I graduated from university with my Bachelor's degree, and now work full time at a job in my general field of study. Today, I see people posting Facebook statuses, tweets, and just generally talking about going back to school, and it aggravated me. It aggravated me because I know I won't be going back, where I had much more freedom than what I'm doing now.
I hate growing up. I miss school.
Right now, with my job, I'm constantly busy, which means I don't have much time for anything. Some people think that me being busy is a blessing, but it's turning out to be a curse. I get up at 7 in the morning, sit in a cubicle and stare at a computer for 8 hours, and then come back home in the late afternoon. When I come back, I'm usually too tired to do anything. How the hell can I be tired when I sit down at work most of the time? Anyways, at school, I had a lot more free time at my disposal. I was able to have the time to go to class, do homework, work on projects, and study for exams, but I also had the time to socialize. Right now, I don't have much time to socialize with friends, or go out and meet new people.
To build on that last sentence, the only way I get to interact with friends is either by social media or calling/texting. I don't see friends anymore, because I don't have the time for it. It is something I truly miss, and it is something I desperately want back. The only people I see every day are my co-workers, and I don't really see them as friends. They are people I work with, nothing more.
Socializing is just one aspect of what made me happy while I was at school. Another aspect was how liberally I spent my money while I was at school. I would always spend on food, drink, and anything else that I either needed, or enabled me to have a good time or feel happy. Now, even though I am getting regular paychecks, I find myself being much more conservative with my money, and spending only to help my future (though this is a very good thing). You know what I did this week? I opened up an RRSP. Fun, huh? I cared less about money when I was in school, and it was another aspect of my school life that made me happy.
Nowadays, not very many things make me happy. Sure, I get to work in Downtown Toronto and walk around the city on my lunch break, which is mostly enjoyable, but it's not very fulfilling. The train ride to Union Station is reminiscent of my high school days when I would have to take a packed bus to and from school every day. The walk from Union Station to my building is like a death march with hundreds of other suits walking with you with the same drab expression, with the homeless sticking out their hand for change and other people trying to give you flyers you don't need. The elevator to my floor is usually cramped with people and full of the kind of conversation that middle-aged people talk about, such as why their spouses weren't in the mood yet again last night.
I guess what I am trying to say is that my day-to-day life right now is monotonous and predictable, when I compare it to when I went to university. I feel absolutely soulless. The only two ways where I can truly express what is in my soul is through Twitter, and this very blog you are reading. When I was in university, I was able to socialize, and work towards an attainable goal, which was to get my degree. When I was in university, I felt like I still had my soul.
I knew at some point, I would have to take the leap, and finally grow up from school, and enter the working world. I'll admit, I was a bit unprepared, and it surprised me in some ways. For everyone that is about to finish college or university soon (and to those who have just started), enjoy the time you have right now, and cherish it. When you finish school and enter the working world, your entire life will change. I hope it changes for the better for you, and not like how my life ended up. I miss school so much, but these words can't even begin to quantify how much I truly do.
Well, time for me to grow up some more...
