May 28, 2017

Why I Don't Celebrate My Birthday + A Trip To The Art Gallery

A little while ago, my birthday came and passed. I am not the type to celebrate birthdays or anything like that because I feel like there is nothing to celebrate. It is just another day to me, and nothing else. I know people that enjoy the spectacle of it, and would spend as long as 1 week or even 2 weeks celebrating their birthday with lavish parties and expensive gifts, but I am the complete opposite. When it comes to my birthday, it feels like I have two choices: to celebrate it with everyone, or celebrate it with no one. There is no in-between. If I were to celebrate it with everyone, I would have to organize a party, and invite everyone. Honestly, that is too much work for someone, and why would I want to spend my own time doing all that? It is exhausting.

Whenever my birthday comes along, I tend to withdraw into myself and I catch myself feeling more anxious and down more than usual. Apparently, there is a term called the "birthday blues" where there is a general feeling of sadness by a person in or around his/her birthday and that was exactly what I was feeling. I cannot be bothered to see these seemingly fake and forced Facebook posts from people I barely talk to, send me some half-assed birthday message because Facebook told them to. I tend to just avoid people in general by turning my phone off for the whole day, and if I do interact with people, I don't mention that it's my birthday because I don't want to seem like I'm bragging. I look at my birthday as a day of reflection to see what has changed for the better in my life. When I see that I have not improved in some way in my life, it only contributes to the general feeling of anxiety. In addition, it feels like the kind of life I have lived does not merit any celebrating.

On my birthday, I needed to get out and do something that only I would enjoy, and not have anyone join me on this little mini-adventure. Therefore, I bought a ticket to go to the Art Gallery of Ontario, because looking at art is generally a solitary activity, so it was right up my alley. I have never actually been to an art gallery at all, so I was happy to spend the day partaking in an interesting experience. I woke up early; left the house before my parents could get up, and put my phone on flight mode so I would not receive any notifications on social media or any calls/texts. I get to the art gallery, and after walking up four flights of stairs (without realizing there was an elevator), I start from the top floor and working myself down checking out all the art pieces and collectibles.



There was an exhibit going on about the art scene in Toronto in the 1970s and 80s, and its effects on the city today. I got to see how intertwined the art from the alternative communities (such as the black and gay communities) and the politics at the time were (two major events being the Spadina Expressway protests and the bathhouse raids). The rest of the gallery was dedicated to the contemporary art pieces from popular international and Canadian artists, as well as various collections of jewels, stones, sculptures, and religious pieces. The pieces that resonated with me the most are the paintings that showed a snapshot of daily life or of a particular event. Those kind of paintings get my mind racing and it springs more questions about what else would be going on at that time. It was quite stimulating and I did not feel bored at all, nor did I feel anxious because I went by myself. 




After the visit, I did other things to get my mind off the fact that it was my birthday, such as check out Chinatown and go to the Toronto FC match. I think I should spend some of the summer checking out the various neighborhoods of Toronto and just absorb the surroundings around me. I like that sort of thing.


You should not have to spend your birthday doing things that people expect you to do, such as throw a huge party and get drunk. It is a stigma that needs to be exorcised. After all, it is your day, and you should spend it how you see fit. I am glad I did.