The Impermanence of Permanence

The one thing that I always end up telling myself is that the only constant in life is change. There is no such thing as going back to the way it was; there is only moving forward. However, I always find my mind wandering back to times in my past; so much to the point that I want to go back and relive some of those times, either to relive some happy memories or to see if I could have done things differently. Reminiscing is a dopamine hit, but it can also reopen some hidden wounds.

What Is My Next Step? How Can I Evolve?

I occasionally write posts like this where I can check in on my mental health, and the purpose of this post is to talk about the thoughts going on in my head. Last November, I went to the CONCACAF Nations League match between Canada and Jamaica and I already talked about the match and everything surrounding it. While I was watching the match from the homely and familiar surroundings of section 114, there were other things on my mind while watching the match. I want to use this post to talk about these other things.

Everything Can Change In An Instant

So far, I can sum up my summer of 2023 in one word: weird. The reason why this summer felt so weird for me can be traced back to a singular moment on a fateful May morning.

My Old Company Cannot Afford My Services

I want to share something with you. I would not call this a dream, or a fantastical thought I had, but it is a blend of the two. This is a blend of something that actually happened to me, with a mix of a fantasy scenario, and it combines two things that I have spoken about in length about this blog. These two things are my value and the time I worked at an old company. Let me briefly go over these things and then lay out this scenario that had been buzzing through my head for the last little while.

What Is Success? What is Failure?

I occasionally hear discussions on the topics of success and failure and I have always wanted to talk about what I thought about success and failure (more specifically, what I believe is a successful person). There were two events that made me want to write a post on this. One such event happened recently, and the other happened a while ago during a family function.

The Lakeshore Terrace

I lived in three places - at work, at home, and at the stadium - but my real life was at the stadium.

Forgive my bastardized quote adapted from the short story The Hockey Sweater but I wanted to write an ode to my home away from home. I am from Toronto and a massive footy fan, so of course I am talking about BMO Field, and even more specifically, section 114.

The Cultured Individual

I had a thought, or maybe it was something closer to a fantasy. I imagine somewhere in the future, maybe 50 years from now, and assuming the internet still existed in a similar way to now. I think about someone important, by some random chance, stumbling onto my blog and seeing the posts I have made about 50-60 years ago. I feel like that person in the future will label me as 'one of the great thinkers of our time'. How could that possibly be? I am just one person with one blog in the sea of millions of blogs on the internet. I do not consider myself important, nor would I ever anyone else consider me as important, or even go so far as to call me 'one of the great thinkers of our time'.

When Life Leaves You Behind

This is going to be one of those posts where I talk about what is on my mind. I want to talk about some issues. I have not been feeling the best mentally, and I feel that could be due to a number of things.

Changing Jobs And Suppressing Lingering Feelings

I initially did not want to create a third blog post about changing my job, but there were unaddressed feelings that I could not stop thinking about. I talked about my old company's lack of action of making me feeling important, as well as keeping in contact with my friends in the midst of a pandemic. However, I did not talk about what leaving my old company meant for my co-workers, especially in my old department. I realized that in order for me to move forward in my life and in my career, I might have to hurt the people I care for.

Changing Jobs And Keeping In Touch

As I have recently switched employers in my career, I have wrote about the negative aspects of working at my old company as it pertains to my life and at the current stage of my career. Switching employers is currently looking like a good move for me, but that is not to say that I miss certain things about my old company. I want to talk about the biggest challenge that I am going to face about leaving my old company.

Changing Jobs And Trying To Realize My Value

If anyone has seen some of my posts from late last year and early this year, I talk about my struggles in working at the company I was working for at that time. Around that time, I was working evenings and weekends without any financial compensation and I was suffering from job burnout. Well, I have some good news! At the time of writing this post, I have accepted a new position at a new company and the previous week was my last week at my old company. There is no doubt that I am excited for this new challenge and opportunity. This post is going to sound like I am complaining about my previous job, but honestly; I do not care if this is how the post sounds. During my job search and my subsequent job offer, I have been thinking about why I wanted to leave my current job, as well as what I have learned about myself and what I want to do in my career path.

COVID-19 Update: Amplifying The Stagnation

COVID-19 is unfortunately still a thing. Although businesses and other services are slowly starting to open up to the public, there is the risk that opening up things too early will create a second wave of the virus. As the weather is getting warmer for the summer, many people feel anxious and want to enjoy the good weather, even if it means circumventing general social distancing guidelines.

COVID-19 and Self-Isolation

As the outbreak of the COVID-19 virus (also known as the 'coronavirus') continues to spread across the world, health professionals are continuing to urge people to take certain precautions, such as washing your hands, and only going outside your residence for essentials. In addition to these efforts, health professionals are recommending a practice of social distancing in an effort to slow the spread of the virus. In basic terms, do not hang around other people if you do not have to.

Feminist Art Fest 2020

Right off the bat, I want to say that I have never been to an event quite like this before. One of my goals for the blog this year is to go to more events in Toronto and the surrounding area. The Feminist Art Festival came up in conversation to go check it out was because a friend of mine was displaying an art piece at the festival. I thought it would be a good idea to go support her and the organizers of this festival by attending, as well as to better understand women's/trans/indigenous issues in the larger society.

The Symptoms of Job Burnout

I have touched upon my mental health issues due to my current exhaustion from my work in one of my previous posts. I want to explore these issues in this post.

The Dangers Of An Imbalanced Work-Life Balance

I have been working at the same position for some time now. While my boss is a big proponent of having a life outside of work, it feels like lately, I have been having to work after-hours and on the weekends on a semi-normal basis. I want my work-life balance back.

Canada 2-0 USA: Why An Outlet Is Necessary

The Canadian men's soccer team have not beaten the USA men's soccer team since 1985, until last Tuesday, October 15, at BMO Field. Canada sent the supporters home in delirium with a 2-0 statement win over the USA. I will not dive too much into the particulars of the match itself. Instead, I want to talk about what this result meant to me on an emotional level.

Celebration and Reconciliation

My most recent bout with dealing with negative thoughts is what is prompting me to write a short piece about why I need to celebrate myself, especially on my birthday.

It is important that I celebrate my accomplishments and myself as a person. I feel worthless because I push away the need to celebrate accomplishments. The frustrations that I am having are because by my incessant drive of growth, but also because of my lack of celebrating myself. My parents always told me that I could do better, even when I achieve something, and because I have never received much positive encouragement from them, it becomes a main source of why I do not celebrate myself. My frustrations can also relate to not staying for informal department meetings, as it is as a way of saying that I do not care about these people. I need to re-wire myself to appreciate myself more, and catch myself whenever I think negative thoughts. Some people have tried to reach out to me at my time of need, and I should repay them back in some way. Let them celebrate me. I need to enjoy my birthday, and I need to change the negative connotations that I have with it.

Happy birthday to me.

What The Myers-Briggs Personality Test Got Right (And Wrong) About Me

One day at work, our boss told us about the Myers-Briggs personality test that he recently took, and he wanted us to take the test on our own time, whenever we got the chance. My boss was impressed with how it seemed to explain his personality, his strengths, and his weaknesses in near-perfect detail. I have not taken the Myers-Briggs personality test in years, but I thought it would be a good idea to revisit the test and see what personality I most closely match. My boss and I took the test here.

Being Hard On Myself (And Other Struggles About Myself)

I am my harshest critic.

Sometimes, my brain tells me that no matter what I do in life, it will never be good enough. I can never accept any sort of positive feedback from anyone, as my brain will immediately dismiss it as not true. I immediately discredit any accomplishments, as my brain is already thinking about the next thing, instead of living in the moment and rewarding myself. My brain periodically likes to remind me that I cannot escape being the person that I used to be, or rather, that I still am the person that I am trying to distance myself.