Waterfront Park

I do not come out here as much as I used to.

This is a popular spot in my local city, but not many people come out to the lighthouse, where you can check out the views and feast your eyes on the out-of-place, rather ghastly sight of the Nuclear Plant.

I came out here not only to escape the monotony of my jobs, but also because I had another bout of negative thoughts that were invading my head. Thoughts like "I'm useless", "I'm worthless", and "I'm wasting my time". I came out here so maybe the views can cheer me up a bit.

I also finished watching the anime "Your Lie In April" and identified too much with the main character. It is an emotion-heavy anime, and I decided to watch it on a whim, and before I knew it, I watched the whole series (was not that long anyways). The scenes that hit me the hardest were the flashbacks to when the main character was a young child, and his abusive mother was constantly forcing him to practice playing the piano. It got so bad that during a performance, the main character stopped playing, and held his head down crying. He was so helpless. I identified with the main character at that moment, as there were times when I was a young child feeling that way because of a loved one forcing me to do something that I didn't want to do.

I feel like I have too much discipline, and that I work too hard. The reason why I have been working so much these days is that I need to save for the future. In many ways, I am fearful of the future. I need to prepare myself for when things are not going so well in my life, so I prioritize saving my money instead of going out every week. It is a sacrifice I'm taking now, but is it the right one? I am still a young person, and I should be using this time to enjoy life. Is my balance between saving and enjoying right? I hate to compare myself to others, but I know many others around my age who spend a lot of money every week to do the things they enjoy. They seem so happy. Maybe I should learn to take a page from one of them.

I did not grow up with much, and even now, I have to scrimp and skimp in order to go somewhere I want to enjoy (Mexico, for example). However, to look at it more positively, scrimping and skimping provided me my greatest joys. The vacations are one example. I had the pleasure of going to places that many people can only dream of going to. Saving helped me to buy a brand new car. Some people need a fix of joy every week, but I guess I can endure months and years of hardship so the payoff is that much sweeter in the end.

Looking out into the sea, it looks so free. The boats and para-gliders out there do not seem to be bound to any rules. Over on land, everyone is a slave to somebody, except if you are ultra-wealthy. We all have to please someone. I want to get to a stage in my life where I do not have to please a single soul. Wouldn't that be grand?

I should make this more of a thing. I should go to different lookout spots around the world with my phone in my hand and document everything that rushes into my mind on a blog post.

In addition, my ass hurts from sitting on this rock for much too long.