When Life Leaves You Behind

This is going to be one of those posts where I talk about what is on my mind. I want to talk about some issues. I have not been feeling the best mentally, and I feel that could be due to a number of things.

Obviously, COVID has not made social interaction easy for anybody, but I made a decision to try to better my life situation and myself by switching jobs. The new job is going well, and I am learning many new things, but I realized that I might have lost something when I made this switch. I went from having a good social circle at my previous job to being by myself working from home, so I ended up losing that social circle and social connection (which was COVID-assisted). I have felt alone since.

I have not been doing anything but work since I started my new job, and I feel like another reason for this most recent bout of depression is that I have not been doing anything else productive. I would write more on this blog, but much of my blog is about my experiences outside of my familiar comfort zone. The only thing that I feel compelled to write about are video game reviews, and I do not like to write about a singular category in succession. I will try to write a little more often, as I gain a sense of satisfaction from writing and posting new blog posts, because I am actually producing something.

I also get the sense that life itself is leaving me behind because of what I have been doing as of late. I know I should not be comparing myself to what I see on social media, but I feel like a number of people in my former social circles are going on to new chapters in their lives.

One thing that I have always prided myself on is that I have to always look forward to the next opportunity and to keep my ambition high in securing a future for myself in a unforgiving society for people like me. It is not in my nature to settle for something. Because of this, whenever I obtain some sort of happiness with whatever I am doing or who my social circle happens to be, it is always fleeting. Ambition is tiring and becomes uncomfortable, because I have a fear of not being a productive member of society, as well as not having enough financially for my future.

How do I get myself out of this rut now? Well, I think the answer is simple. I need to keep producing content for the blog. I need to go outside and get some exercise, which I have already been doing, but now that the summer is coming up, this is more important than ever. In addition, I need to actually reach out and talk to people. I do not like reaching out to other people because I feel as if I am bothering them or that they will react negatively, but this is something that I have to do.

Therefore, this is what has been going on with me these past few months. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.