So far, I can sum up my summer of 2023 in one word: weird. The reason why this summer felt so weird for me can be traced back to a singular moment on a fateful May morning.
I woke up on the morning of my birthday and walked into my parents’ room, and the first thing my parents said to me was not “Happy Birthday!” The first thing they told me was that a close friend of mine died instantly in a motorcycle accident last night. I was feeling several emotions in that moment, and I would like to use this post to discuss the emotions that I felt and how it affected me this summer.
Obviously, sadness was the overwhelming emotion that I felt. This close friend was someone whom myself and my extended family would spend time with on numerous occasions over the years; so much so that he is absolutely considered part of the family. His sudden passing was a shock to everyone, as he was only in his mid 30s. He was someone who was the ‘life of the party’ figure, who was an excellent cook, and can bring a lot of colour and exuberance to an occasion. Everything that I went to this summer, whether it was a party or some other event, although I would enjoy myself, would still feel “off” in some sense. The missing presence of my close friend was certainly felt, and it was the singular contribution to the weirdness of this summer. I feel awful for his wife, who lost her partner in this game called life. I feel awful for his parents, who must lay their own son to rest. I also feel awful for everyone who has known him and enjoyed his company. It has just been a terrible situation all around.
I have also experienced anger in the day of the occurrence of this tragedy. The fact that this tragedy happened on my birthday took the focus off the birthday and onto the tragedy that day. I would have thought “Great! I do not have to deal with superficial birthday messages from people that do not care about me on any other day.” However, I did not feel like this at all. The breakfast I had with my parents was the tensest breakfast I have had with my parents in some time, with all this weighing heavy on my mind. I did get to go out drinking later in the evening, but this did not feel like a celebration of my birthday, but rather to drink to forget that this ever happened. Did I feel jealous that the spotlight was taken away from me that day? A little bit, I admit. I am not angry at anyone or anything, I was just angry that this even happened at all.
It has been a few months since the tragedy, and now I feel like I can comfortably write about this. This tragedy helped me to create an important observation. Life is fragile. The lives of many can change in an instant. All it can take is a freak occurrence for peoples’ lives to change permanently and irreparably. As I have been going on with my life and see people interact with each other (such as a couple or a family), I wonder what would happen with a snap of my finger, one member would simply vanish. How would the others change? Would they successfully come to grips with what happened? Would they plunge themselves in an ocean of sorrow and not feel the same again? Would they lash out at the world and cause even more grief and tragedy to others? Maybe it is not just life itself that is so fragile, but maybe it is society itself that is fragile, woven by the fine threads of life.
The death of my close friend serves as a reminder for me, and I hope for everyone else reading this. Hold on to the people in your life that make you happy. You never know, it could be the last time you see them.
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