Trying To Belong Somewhere

I am in one of those rare moments where I think I am in a good place in my life right now. I have a steady job where I can work from home and make a decent living. Because of my decent living, I can save up and go on trips to places where I would have not been able to go to (with another trip coming up soon). The only other question that I have in my life is how my life is on a social level. This is what I want to address in this post.

I no longer had the friend group that I would normally hang out with, and beginning last year, I was going through the different Meetup groups and events to see what I would be interested in checking out. I was like a hermit crab trying to find the right shell. I eventually found a Meetup group that I clicked with, and whose events I have been going to over the past year. I got to know so many people through this Meetup group who eventually became my friends and became the main friend group that I would hang out with, and for that I am grateful.

The thing with this new friend group that is different from the other friend groups I have had in my life (maybe since my university days) is that I had the opportunity to be my true authentic self. I did not have the opportunity to be my true self in many situations. When I had to hang out with my extended family, I would act more reserved and not draw too much attention to myself, as I have an extended family who bond through drama, bullying, and humiliation, which is something that I despise (this is a topic for a future post). With my previous work friend group, we still had to maintain a sense of professionalism as any craziness from any of us could reflect poorly on the friend group and the company. Here is my opportunity to start anew with a new friend group, and I want to start on the right foot.

I go to more events this year and I meet more people. It seemed like every week or every couple of weeks, I was in the city at some event having drinks, talking to everyone, and overall trying to ingratiate myself with the friend group, and things were going fantastic. I want to talk about the moment where I felt the happiest in my new friend group, and honestly, I am still buzzing about.

Not too long ago, I went to a birthday party for one of our friends at a series of party rooms in an apartment in the city. There was about 40-50 of us and drinks were flowing freely. I remembered buying shots for myself and some ladies and trying to talk to one of the ladies who I admittedly had a thing for. I was trying to convince her to do a karaoke duet with me, or at the very least, sing a song for everyone on the karaoke machine. She eventually agreed to sing karaoke but only if I sang a song after she did. I have always had my reservations doing something like singing karaoke because I would have to come out of my shell a bit, but I have been drinking, and no one else knows about my checkered past, so screw it. I am going to give a performance that no one will forget.

The girl I was talking to set the bar high with her rendition of "Mercy" by Duffy, but I knew I had to slow the pace down with my song selection. I went with "Hero" by Enrique Iglesias, because it is an easy song to learn and sing, and I knew everyone would join in. It felt like everyone at the party packed themselves in the room, and I went and sang that song like my life depended on it. It was an epic moment for me. You all had to be there.

Getting back to why I wrote this post in the first place, I guess I am trying to say that we are all trying to belong somewhere. We all want to be somewhere where someone or a group of people can accept us, and more importantly, accept us for who we are. I am so happy to be in a spot where a group of people can accept me for who I truly am. I am still trying to move on from past hurt and rejection, but I know this will still take some more time. Let me enjoy these good times while I still can.