Frieren And Trying To Find Closure

Photo by Courtesy of Crunchyroll - © Crunchyroll

I have watched my share of anime over my life, and I can say that there were two anime that moved me on an emotional level and shook me to my soul. The first anime was Your Lie in April which I already wrote a post for, and the second anime is Violet Evergarden which I need to rewatch and write about. At the time of myself writing this post, I need to add a third anime to this list.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End is a fantasy/adventure anime (derived from the manga series) where the show follows the elven mage Frieren (with an extremely long lifespan of thousands of years) who is on a journey to seek her former companion Himmel (who has since passed on) to bid him farewell once and for all. I am not going to rehash the plot or anything like that, because if you are reading this post, you would have most likely seen this anime and how amazing it is. Everything about this show feels so rich from the world-building to the characters' unique personalities to the edge-of-your-seat action sequences. However, I think the best moments of this show come from the little moments and interactions that make the show so cozy and comforting.

I have a personal anecdote I want to share, but first, I want to talk about the moment in the show that made me think about this anecdote of mine, and it came from the first episode of the show. Because of Frieren's lengthy lifespan, Frieren struggles to make connections with others and is emotionally distant and aloof at the beginning of the show. 50 years after Frieren and her companions: Himmel the Hero, Heiter the priest, and Eisen the dwarf warrior, defeat the Demon King and save the world, she goes to visit them for the first time. Himmel and Heiter are now of old age, and after a short journey to see a meteor shower, Himmel passes away. At his funeral, Frieren has this tearful realization that she never made the effort to get to know him, and from then on, she would try to make meaningful connections with the people in her life.

When I watched that scene, I thought about a former co-worker from a previous job that I used to spend a lot of time with. Our lives went in different directions with myself moving jobs and her starting her own family, but because of the pandemic at the time, I did not feel like I got the true closure of telling her goodbye. I remembered speaking to her on the phone on my last day on the job (and we still occasionally reach out to each other through messages), but it does not carry the same weight as telling them the goodbyes in person. Other than a lunch with her and other former co-workers one year, I have not seen her since, and I do not know if I will ever see her again. It feels like an unresolved strand in my life that needs resolving, and I would love nothing more than to catch up with her in a rooftop patio in the city to get that closure once and for all, but this is just wishful thinking.

She was someone in my life whom I did not deserve to have in my life, but she was there for me at my lowest moments in that job. What makes moving on so difficult is that at some point in your life, some people will be gone from your life, and it is one of the heartbreaks of being human. Frieren goes on her journey to find her closure, but on that journey, she remembers the times she had with her party while making new memories with a renewed sense of understanding. I do not know if I will ever get that closure in my life, but I need to learn to manage and live with it. I choose to remember the good times, while trying to make new memories. If that closure ever comes for me, then I will make the most of it, but if it does not, then that is fine as well.